Tag Archives: Self-Discovery

Friday Night Wrap Up!

Good evening!

First I wanted to start out by saying…to my daddy & his wife Trudi! They have been married four happy years, today!!! I wish you both the VERY BEST!!! πŸ˜‰

I love you very much!! πŸ˜‰

When I was trying to decide what to write about this evening, I thought that I would just share with you that this has been a VERY GREAT week. Between my new habit of writing for an hour in my “Morning Pages” every morning, or getting brave enough to start a 3-month belly dancing class, at the size that I am, this has been a FABULOUS week of self-discovery.

I have always felt that I have had a pretty good handle on who I was, and what I wanted out of life, but the action of writing my scatter-brained-random-crazy-confusing thoughts down on paper, in my own handwriting, with no set writing rules, for an hour every morning has given me a clarity about myself that I have never experienced in all of my 35 years of living. I am starting to see things about myself that I’d always hoped would be present, and actually are, and some things that I have wanted to be present, more out of envy than true want, but will never be.

Both are ok.

Both define who I am.

I am starting to see that I am good.

And knowing who I authentically am, and who I am authentically not, is such an eye opener and the giver of true freedom.

Freedom to be me.

Without fear.

Without worry.

Without self-judgement.

That is huge for me. That might be huge for you too, I don’t know.

I took my first MAJOR step in literally stepping out of my self-imposed box, and took a belly dancing class. A belly dancing class that will last for 3 months, mind you!!Β  Being a 300+ pound woman, the old me would NEVER EVER have been brave enough to do that!! I was trying to talk myself into skipping the whole thing and just going home, all the way up through having to walk out of the dance studio’s restroom, after changing into my leggings and t-shirt, and I just stopped and remembered what I had already had discovered in my morning pages. I am an artist. I knew like a flash that I was not going to chicken out. For once in my adult life I was actually going to follow through with one scary thing on my life list simply because I knew it was AUTHENTICALLY ME!! I am an artist.

I am an artist.

I AM AN ARTIST!!!

I want to shout it from the rooftops!!

This is something that I have always, ALWAYS wanted, and was just too damn chicken to bring it to the forefront of my reality! I AM AN ARTIST! I get teary-eyed saying it out loud even now. I AM AN ARTIST! I ALWAYS have been, since I was as young as I can remember. Going to a belly dancing class is something that a creative person would do. When I made that mental connection then I wasn’t scared anymore. I walked out there, into the middle of all of these women – who I am sure have all of their own body issues going on, and are too focused on that, to be focusing on my body issues, stood right in front of the dance studio’s windows and I GAVE IT MY ALL AND HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!! It was as if I had taken a deep breath for the first time since I stopped playing music almost 13 years ago.Β  I am an artist.

Wow! I have always been a firm believer that God has a dream for you, but not only that, but that His dream for you is WAAAAAY BIGGER than you COULD EVER IMAGINE for yourself! I don’t know what the future holds, or what more the next 11 weeks of Morning Pages is going to help me uncover about myself, but I think that this week, I got a glimpse of God’s bigger plan for me, and it just jazzes me more than I could EVER imagine!! I guess that is the point, isn’t it?

He is bigger.

He is greater.

There is a little song that we used to sing as children, and these are the words:

God is so good,
God is so good,
God is so good,
He’s so good to me.

This simple little song sums up my feelings perfectly.

Have a FABULOUS evening! πŸ˜‰

A Kickin’ Booty Monday!!

Good evening!!

I had such a GREAT Monday today!!! I had another 10 hour day at work today, which usually wipes me out, but I TOTALLY KICKED BOOTY today, and FLEW through my work to-do list!!! YEAH! HOO!! What that means is that over my next 3 weeks, while our office is in HEAVY OVERDRIVE, my efforts today has given me some breathing room!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Did you hear that HUGE sigh of relief!?!? It is sometimes the small things that pushes you right into bliss!!! πŸ˜‰

Anyway, as for this evening! I have had a lovely dinner with my sweetie, and we are both hanging out up in the office, getting some work and play done – him working, me playing! I was so motivated the other day by crafting my sister’s journal, that I am working on making one for myself!! As soon as I get it finished, I will take pictures and post them for you!!! πŸ™‚

I am soooooo inspired, to tap into my inner artist, and see what I can create. I have always wanted to be one of those people, you know who I am referring too – we all have someone in our lives who is just naturally creative! I want to be one of them!! You know, art studio with a lot of natural light! an easel, paints EVERYWHERE, happy music playing, a couple of puppies running around, HUGE barn doors open letting in fresh breeze!!

OH THAT WOULD BE HEAVEN!!! πŸ˜‰

Another thing that I am actively on the hunt for are some places to get centered and re-energized, especially with all of the stress that I have been juggling in my daily life right now. Do you know the kind of places I am referring to?? Places and activities that feed and re-energize your soul. Some ideas like that for me are, laying on a blanket in the middle of a beautiful park under a large tree, or sitting on a quiet bench overlooking the ocean on a windy day, or walking on a forest trail while listening to all of the sounds in nature, or even something as simple as looking at classic architectural buildings. That is pureΒ  joy.

Anyway, I am going to close shop early this evening, and spend some quality time with my sweetie tonight! He really deserves some undivided time; he has been SO SUPPORTIVE and making my life SO MUCH EASIER during this time of crazy busy-ness!!! THANK YOU, BABY!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Have a FABULOUS evening!!! πŸ˜‰