Good evening!

To say that I am tired is quite the understatement. I am zonked, pooped, spent, drowsy, lethargic, sleepy, drained, bushed, wasted, stale, exhausted, weary, beat, haggard!! In other words I am ready for a breather!!! 😉

My sweetie has totally made my day this evening! He new that I was having a long day, and when I got home today, I was pleasantly surprised to see that not only did he make dinner tonight, he even set the table nicely and we had a nice dinner together!!! I know you guys must be so sick of hearing this, but I am really SO IN LOVE with my husband!! He is SUCH a KEEPER!!! 😉

Ok, so what has been going on with me?? Well, I am still doing my morning pages from The Artist’s Way. I am into week 4 now, and I REALLY DO SWEAR BY THEM!! I can’t ever imagine me not doing them again!! By clearing the “clutter” and negative self-talk out of my head, they have helped me tap into a part of myself that I thought was long since dead, and in reality it was just a part of me that I had let go dormant.

In the last four weeks, I know I have really changed a lot. I find that my perception about the world around me has really changed for the better, and I think that those closest to me have been able to see that. I feel like I don’t have to be a doormat any longer, always trying to please my friends and family, although I still like pleasing them, I don’t have to do it at the sake of myself and my own happiness. Now, I am part of the equation.

In the movie Eat, Pray, Love, Julia Robert’s character says something like I have worked so hard to create this life, why can’t I see myself in it. I feel like that really summed up what I had felt about me in my life. Every single thing I have in this life is because I created it. I did the work, I made the sacrifices, and I made it all happen, but why wasn’t I happy. Because I realized that I wasn’t there – I wasn’t represented in my own life, I wasn’t present!! What a wake up call!

Doing my morning pages, writing my thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, and dreams out on paper for an hour every morning, has helped me get out of my own way, and find out what truly makes me happy! A lot of those things that make me happy now are the same things that made me happy when I was a little kid, and rediscovering that has really opened a world of true joy in my life!!

Some of those things are:

• Walking barefoot through the grass
• Playing with my best friend out in the rain
• Reading a good book while laying upside down in bed
• Coloring
• Making something from nothing
• Racing to the other end of the pool while holding my breath the whole way
• Making a fort with my sweetie just for the sake of having a fort to play in
• Trying a new recipe just for myself
• Laughing so hard with friends that you all end up crying from happiness!!
• Dancing as if no one is watching
• Not caring when I realize someone is! 😉

I am learning that it is all these things that bring you back into your own life, it is what is bringing me back into mine. These minor changes have made me excited to get up in the morning, which is a huge change from getting up every morning because I feel obligated to, or it is the responsible thing to do. I also realize the truth in the quote from the movie The Answer Man,

Kris Lucas: Why can’t I do the things I want to do? There’s so much I know I’m capable of that I never actually do. Why is that?
Arlen Faber: The trick is to realize that you’re always doing what you want to do… always. Nobody’s making you do anything. Once you get that, you see that you’re free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you. You choose.

This has been something that I have been whining to my husband for YEARS!! Why can’t I do what I want to do? When is i t my turn??? By using my Morning Pages, I get it! I FINALLY am understanding that I DO choose! I get to do it right now, and every moment, of every day! That knowledge is what true freedom is all about!! I am so thankful for this book, and my sissy who sent it to me, thank you Alex!! Opportunities are presenting themselves all around me, and all I have to do is be open to trying out new things, and not being afraid to walk down new paths!! So, tonight I am going to take care of myself by having a nice, peaceful and quiet evening, and letting myself fall asleep nice and early!! NOW THAT is what happiness is all about!! 😉

Have a FABULOUS evening!! 😉