Ok, so today is weigh in day and I am up 1.8 lbs! Not too surprising, I haven’t been doing what I am supposed to be doing – DUH!!!

My sister-in-law just called me and told me that she has lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks using WW. Ok, I don’t have to be beat over the head with a stick! I am back on as of this morning!!!! I CAN NOT GIVE UP ON MYSELF!!!

I am not sure if you know this, but my mom died of breast cancer almost 10 years ago. She was 40. I myself am almost 34. I know I am not going to die at 40, but having lost her at such a young age, the thought of my demise at 40 does float around in the back of my mind. I always wonder if she could have prevented her death by having a healthier lifestyle so that when she did get sick, she could have had more stamina to beat it???? Who knows? I know she did the best she could with what she had at the time she had it. That event has really shaped who I am as a woman, and sometimes I think I live in a constant state of fear not knowing what tomorrow will bring. This definitely applies to how I completely disregard my attitude towards my health. I am too afraid to keep living like I am living because I don’t want to see what illnesses are awaiting me, but then again I am too afraid of what might come if I do change and get healthy. Getting fit and healthy will be like a part of me will be dying and I am not sure if I am emotionally up to the grieving process. As I stop and read this, I know that these thoughts are what are holding me back!

I am just going to acknowledge that they are legitimate feelings, and know that I can’t be ruled by them. There are too many people who depend on me to not be the very BEST me that I can be!!! I have been procrastinating, but I will not go to bed in the evening, until I get some physical movement for at least 30 minutes in my day, and (I pay for that damn site, I might as well use it) I will track my WW points every day – no matter how brutally honest the truth is. If I put it into my mouth – it is getting tracked!!!

My mom always told me: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO IF YOU KEEP GOD FIRST AND LET HIM GUIDE YOU!

Dear God,
I give you my everyday, ordinary life. My eating, sleeping, going-to-work, and walking around life. I know that I can not lose this weight and get healthy without Your guidance. Please help me become the me that You meant for me to be, and may You use me as an example to other women that with You all things truly are possible. Dear God, please help me get stop living in fear and start living in faith – I know You have bigger things in store for me than I can even dream for myself. God, I am stepping out in faith – catch me!!
I love you and am most thankful to be called your daughter!! – In Jesus’ Name, AMEN